


Technical Spycifications

by PhoenixFire_theWizardGoddess



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Brimstone Map, For DeathtotheCrows, Halloween, M/M, Merasmus - Freeform, NSFW, Pining and associated idiocy, Pre-Relationship, Some sentries were mildly scandalised, TF2 Secret Satan 2019 Gift, Thunder mountain map, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 13:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21271526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixFire_theWizardGoddess/pseuds/PhoenixFire_theWizardGoddess
Summary: TF2 Secret Satan Gift 2019 for deathtothecrows. When Pyro is down and out with a cold, the RED team mercenaries have to rotate through keeping an eye on the Engineer to stop the poor bugger getting backstabbed every five minutes. However, things really go to hell in a handbasket when Spy finds himself rostered on...





	1. Blueprint for Success

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deathtothecrows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathtothecrows/gifts).

> TF2 Secret Satan Gift 2019 for deathtothecrows.  
Hope you like it!

Screams echoed through the derelict woodwork structure on the sweltering summer day, as their opposition fought to regain control of the payload before the match concluded. With a loud boom, the building shuddered under a fearsome impact somewhere close by; though at this point in their ‘illustrious’ careers for Mann Co… the various mercenaries of RED and BLU had learned to ride out the tremors easily enough.

Disgruntled at being relegated to such drudgery, Spy exhaled a cloud of smoke and flicked the ash from the end of his cigarette; eyes idly watching the smouldering motes fall on rough planking. With a sigh of frustration, he shifted position to peer out the door at his teammate; keeping a vaguely wary eye upon the other in case of last second threats.

He sniffs with disdain at the whole affair; feeling positively insulted at being designated the metaphorical babysitter for the day. Gritting his teeth as the deafening crack of a sniper growing far too daring with his aim; the bullet lodged deep in the woodwork by the doorway, and only just missing either mercenary. 

Too close. 

The cocky, foul-smelling BLU bastard would pay for that. 

  
  


Spy exhaled sharply, eyes narrowing as the shrewd mind behind them calculated wind resistance, distance and available locations on the first-stage map; deducing the hiding place of the sharpshooter without undue effort. Now he knew where to look, it was not overtly taxing to locate the tell-tale flash of yellow-tinted glasses and that shabby slouch hat the Class seemed to love wearing.

His fingers itched, beneath the handcrafted kidskin gloves, muscles already searching for the balisong secreted in his fine suit; desperate to fulfil his main purpose on the team, and take out the opposition. The piss-slinging creature was far too full of himself today, not having yet been… taken care of, and so felt able to take potshots.

Swearing internally, Spy shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting smoke curl on his tongue and ground the anger into something real; something he could release into the world with a simple exhalation of breath. The cigarette smoke drifts away down the stairwell, apparently appearing from thin air, as Spy slides his weapon back into its sheath within his coat. 

_ Tomorrow _ , he promises himself. Tomorrow the horrid little Australian would know of the espionage agent’s ire… and there would be joy in watching the BLU sharpshooter flinch at every little creak of the floor, gust of wind and flash in the corner of his eye.

“Spy, you there?” comes the too-loud whisper from the unrelentingly Texan Engineer of the team, turning slightly to glance into the room beyond the platform on which he now crouched. “Son, I’ve gotta run downstairs and grab some more metal, can you keep your eyes on my setup so that sneaky sonofabitch Blu don’t go buckwild with his sapper?”

There’s a pause, just long enough for the Texan to really start to question if he’d been abandoned utterly by the other Class, before there is a curt, “Oui” from a foot in front of his face. The syllables exhaled in a long wisp of telltale cigarette smoke, the kind only RED dared import to smoke; confirmation and comfort in a single word.

“Well alright then, I’m going to try and make it quick, before that Sniper gets a better shot at my sentry. They always get a mite reckless when the clock starts winding down, after all. Can’t help but wonder why Stretch hasn’t taken him out already…” Engineer holds a one-sided conversation as he descends the stairs, and Spy deigns not to respond that their own sharpshooter’s failure to react to the impending sniper threat is likely because the Blu Spy has left him in a pool of his own blood. Best not to send Engineer into a fit of homicidal concern, after all… he tended to get sloppy when emotions were involved. They all did.

Speaking of the loud, emotional devils that beset Spy’s every waking hour…

Somewhere below, their Scout blazed past firing wildly at the BLU Heavy and Medic combo, clearly waiting to turn him into nothing but shredded meat; would that foolish child never learn strategy? Spy despaired at having the brat on the team… but, in enthusiasm at least, the runner was matched by the Demolitions expert and Soldier. Both of whom were blasting their way towards the battlefront without any thought to the safety of their own mortal bodies, the buildings around them, or any teammates in blast radius.

It was true that their weaponry was unable to harm members of their own team through some convoluted science or magical application that had never quite been explained, but you could still be knocked off your feet at an inopportune moment by the blast radius. That had always annoyed Spy; and ruined more than a few carefully-enacted assassination attempts.

Another sharp crack rent the air, and a body tumbled down mid rocket-jump; stone-dead and wearing an expression of manic surprise, as his ever-present helmet rolled away. Machine-gun fire blazed in an arc around the payload that the BLUs were frantically trying to at least get further than the initial ramp, trying to kill the buzzing nuisance of the RED Scout, without giving up the barricade cover outside the spawnpoint. Besides Spy, the level three sentry whirred, clicked and beeped as it tracked potential targets; just waiting for one of them to put a foot wrong or a hair out from behind the meagre shelter.

Demo’s stickies launched an unwary BLU Medic skyward, and the sentry beeped in what the espionage agent could only describe as malicious excitement, and fired off a round of rockets at the helpless physician. There was a strangled cry from the enemy Heavy as the charred, fragmented corpse of his ‘Doktor’ hit the ground behind the enraged, desperate BLU team, and they went wild. 

RED Scout screamed as BLU Demo slashed through his shoulder with the eyelander in a failed beheading; the sentry beeping in delight at the new target ad blasting him straight through respawn before the battlecry even died. BLU Soldier hurtled into the air, firing rapidly down on both REDs with his airstrike and churning the earth, before his own corpse struck ground. There was a flash of brilliant flame as the BLU Pyromaniac chased after Spy’s teammates, hoping to char them to ash, or rainbows, or whatever it was those strange fire-loving creatures envisioned.

Thunder mountain was a map few enjoyed having to fight on, but the higher ups tended to love watching the futile struggle of both teams as they fought to push the payload past ludicrously defensible first points; and then struggle to force the very same cart back from places where there were too many corners, stairs and sniper nests for anyone to avoid respawn for more than a handful of lucky seconds.

There was an odd whirring click-click-click to his immediate right, and Spy turned to find the sentry was attempting to fire but was seemingly out of ammunition; that couldn’t be right, could it? Engineer had only just topped it up and-... wait, how long had the builder been gone?

Ah…  _ Merde _ .

Dashing down the stairwell with lithe grace, Spy takes in the scene in a heartbeat; Engineer is swinging wildly with wrench and gunslinger at the slippery figure of BLU Spy. A discarded mask shows that the idiot had attempted to disguise himself as the RED Medic, clearly not clever enough to realise that the German would never bother to seek out Engineer once the dispenser was up and running. Speaking of… 

In one corner, tucked into the doorway was the still-sparking, sapped box of what had once clearly been a fully-kitted out dispenser; in just the right position for team members teleporting in to take note of its location for future reference. To the other side of the narrow room, a battle ensued. It was clear that, without intervention, it would be the swift-footed BLU espionage agent who dodged, weaved and ducked Engineer’s every move… who would come out victorious. 

Positioning himself near the doorway, Spy flicked open his disguise case and rapidly transformed into the BLU Scout; the only likely idiot to escape this far into the map, in some reckless show of bravado. Really, he was starting to feel that the Class shared a braincell between the runners… what could a bat do against a sentry? He had seen them try before…   
  


Blinking back to the present as his cloak dropped with a whispered hushing sound, Spy twisted his masked face into a perfect approximation of the runner’s delighted grin.    
“Aw hey, y’got da Engie, Spook. Ya ain’t totally useless after all, huh, ya baguette loving fuck!” the words scalded his tongue as they came out, but they were nonetheless accurate enough to make the BLU falter a moment. Turning to snarl some sort of threat or instruction to his supposed teammate, only to take in the stiff expression, and realise too late that he had been trapped.

With an elegant flick of the wrist, the balisong snapped open and plunged downward; striking between the BLU’s vertebrae with a delicate, near-surgical, precision and severing the cord. He barely deigns to look at the body as it hits the floor; sharp eyes running over the panting Engineer, assessing with an air of cool detachment. Spy bends in a fluid movement and wipes the knife-blade clean on the BLU’s suit, before respawn caught the man; and wondered at how far the profession had fallen, for this kind of sloppy amateurish nonsense to be considered acceptable.

“...-’t rightly thank you enough, Spook. Knew he was here, but there wasn’t any way I could stop him and save the dispenser at the same time.” Engineer was talking to him, but Spy missed the first part, lost in his own thoughts as he had been. “Ah, a darn shame the masked bugger got the dispenser… gonna take time to get that up and runnin’ again.”

The pair both jump as a loud warcry rends the air, and Soldier appears on the still-spinning teleporter; barely even registering their presence before running out the door to rejoin the battle. A not-so-subtle reminder that the world was still turning outside, and the mercenaries had best get back to their jobs; ah, that reminded Spy of his original errand.

“Engineer, your sentry appears to be out of ammunition… I was on my way to tell you when I saw the BLU had you cornered. Perhaps it would be best to move the teleporter upstairs, oui?” he suggests, and feels pleasantly surprised when Engineer switches the invention to a transportation mode, hauling over one burly shoulder. They ascend once more in silence, though both feel the weight of reality pressing down; once a Spy finds the Sniper nest, or the entrance to an Engineer’s main base… they would be back again.

Spy internally laments the whole detestable situation, and once more wished for the speedy recovery of their own Pyromaniac; a mercenary far better suited to the task of holding the Spy Class at bay. Would he not be a greater asset out there, hovering by the payload for a chance to strike at any burgeoning attempts to push the payload to-...

“FIVE MINUTES REMANING IN THE MATCH.” boomed the Administrator, like the voice of an uncaring god bestowing a death sentence on the puny mortal lives below. 

Engineer grunts as the teleporter clangs to the floor, the sturdy Texan smacking it encouragingly with his wrench as the device begins the automated set-up process; lethargically extending metallic limbs and clicking into place with an agonisingly slow pace. Sighing, Engineer fishes in his ludicrously large toolbox and pulls out another small mechanical item; dropping it with care, and watching the new construction’s process intently. 

Spy clears his throat, and tilts his head towards the struggling level three sentry before cloaking once more. Engineer twitches slightly at the far-too-familiar sound of the invisibility device activating, and nods in the last location he’d seen the espionage agent; moving rapidly towards the sentry to reload it. Ducking down just in time to avoid having his brains blown out by the far-too-persistent BLU Sniper; he lets out a rather virulent curse word, and Spy feels his mouth drop open. Thank the gods he was cloaked, or this would be embarrassing.

He lounged in the far corner, atop the stairwell; in just the right position to keep an eye on the Engineer, the whole set-up, and additionally cover the stairwell. As close to tactically perfect positioning as one could get on such a honeycombed map… 

“Goshdarn it.” Engineer mutters, as if he hadn’t just stripped paint of the walls with his last curse; slamming his wrench against the sentry as it hummed back to life. The sound of his deep, rumbling laughter fills the air as BLUs began to scream, gunned down as they ran for cover; the payload slipping back down the exposed ramp as its escorts died, one by one in shrieking agony and explosions. “Come get some, ya BLU bastards!” Engineer whooped.

There was something so… well,  _ fascinating _ , to the sound. Encapsulating delight, cruelty and an almost childish glee… Spy could not help but stare; taking in the wide predatory grin, dramatically flashing goggles, and the way the Texan’s muscles rippled as he pitched forwards to slap his knee as he laughed. How strangely… alluring. 

From a professional standpoint, of course. Perhaps there was more to this man than initially met the eye… his confidential files had not mentioned such a charming level of bloodlust, after all.

Perhaps he should… reassess the other mercenary. After all, there was a tactical advantage in knowing the skillsets and strengths at your disposal, in a time of perpetual war… yes, yes it would be highly beneficial to the team’s functioning if he was to observe the Engineer more closely. 

Even Spy is uncertain where this sudden interest had sparked from; though perhaps one might call it more of a whim. After all, the two classes rarely interacted when in their respective bases of a night, there was too much bad blood; even if it  _ was _ directed at their enemy counterparts. Something just didn’t feel safe about leaving your back unguarded around a masked man, no matter what colour he wore… and the rippling muscles behind that wrench always elicited a degree of caution from those prone to startling teammates. Spy rather liked his head where it was, and wished to avoid any situation in which it might become concave.

  
  


There was something intensely alluring in the way sweat glistened on Engineer’s muscular arms as he swung his wrench, creating complex machinery with nothing more than a series of ear-rending clunks, clangs and shrieks. Intriguing to find that, in the sudden inexplicably loud silence, Spy could hear the miniscule whirrs and clicks of the gunslinger as the man flexed his fingers. Somewhere deep in a corner of his mind Spy would never admit to, those sounds echoed amongst thoughts the man stringently forced down; unwilling to even consider such things, and slightly ashamed that his ironclad self-control had faltered even for a moment.

Understandable then, why the invisible espionage agent startled back as the teleporter disgorged the thunder-faced Scout, who almost fell down the stairs in order to avoid having his brains smeared across the wall. Good instincts, one had to admit, but foolhardy.    
“Stay still, ya speedy little varmint, ah’m trying to spycheck!” Engineer grumbles, and the wide-eyed runner calms immediately, standing in place as the heavy tool is once more arced towards his head… and glances harmlessly through. Took a long time for most of the team to get used to that…

“That all? Great, see ya hardhat!” The words echo as their owner bounds away, screams, and immediately calls for Medic. A fond smile crosses Engineer’s face, and he chuckles slightly as he shakes his head in amusement. 

Spy finds himself rooted to the spot in shock, hidden form half-posed to react to the threat, and yet… immobile. Slowly, his fingers release their grip from the handle of his collapsed butterfly knife, but it does nothing for the rapid heartbeat beneath the hidden coat pocket. How had something as mundane as the teleporter caught the espionage agent so off-guard? It simply did not make sense… and Spy refused to believe that distraction was the simple explanation. 

Why, Spy had assassinated people whilst they were hunting him for sport, or buried to the hilt, or sitting on the train going the opposite direction… and he had never so much as flinched. What had thrown him off balance this day?

“Spy, you uh, you still here?” Engineer queries the seemingly empty air about a foot from Spy’s cloaked face. After a few seconds, the Texan pushes his helmet up, scratches at his balding head, and turns away; seemingly certain that he’d been left to his own… devices, so to speak. “Ah well, I guess it’s a mite more exciting out there than hovering around here like some murderous guardian angel.”

The tone seemed almost… defeated, somehow… but nothing seemed to keep the man down for more than a moment. Engineer was halfway through setting up the rancho-relaxo, when a telltale whirring announced the arrival of a grim-faced Heavy; who stormed down the stairs without a second word. Now was not the time to have a little chat around the source of the bigger man’s obvious ire, but it was clear that something had gone seriously awry; and Engineer would have ‘bet dollars to doughnuts’ that Medic would be back through the system soon enough. 

Thundering gunfire ensued as Heavy turned his weapon upon his counterpart, shredding any hapless mercenary who ended up within the crossfire zone. Their twin roars echoed violently across the battlefield, almost drowning out the sound of the returning medical mercenary. For his part, Medic was brandishing his bonesaw and swearing up a storm in German; accent so thick and fast even Spy had trouble parsing a word free from the onslaught. Blood dripped from a rather gruesome gash across the doctor’s left shoulder, clearly a missed trickstab… ah, what an amateur this BLU was.

“Spy trouble, Doc?” Engineer teased, patting the dispenser invitingly. “Come rest a minute, sounds like Heavy has things in hand out there… give yourself a chance to breathe, if nothing else.” 

A smile tugged at the reluctant corner of Spy’s lips at the ludicrously hospitable suggestion; it was so very… Texan of the Engineer, to offer another mercenary the chance to put his feet up and relax mid-battle. After all, what use had Medic for a dispenser when the medigun dispensed healing almost continuously to the man…?

And that’s when it hit him. What he’d missed.    
It wasn’t the stiff expressions on Medic’s face, or the way he avoided bumping into Engineer as he strode over to the dispenser that gave it away… though it very much should have been. No, it was the bloody wound that wasn’t bothering to seal itself. The medigun wasn’t working to mend the rent flesh… because it was clearly nothing more than illusion, whereas the injury was very much real.

Spy snarled a curse and lurched forwards, decloaking a fraction of a second too late, as Engineer turned to smash at the sapper that had appeared on his Sentry… and BLU Spy struck. It felt like the world had slowed as the blade slide deep between the man’s shoulder blades, as his body began to fall, as the small choked-off gasp echoed around the too-quiet world… and Spy couldn’t move fast enough. 

The Medic disguise breaks into the vicious, mocking grin of BLU Spy as he crouches over his downed prey; his own blood mingling with that of the victim beneath. Something about the scene sends a shock of confused pain rippling through the RED’s chest, as the espionage agent appeared from thin air, enraged and wielding his own balisong. What would he give to have access to the downed Pyromaniac’s flamethrower in this moment?

“It seems I ‘ave bested your little builder,  _ mon ami. _ ” The BLU jerks the blade free and brandishes it in a lurid display of deft-handed skill, droplets of Engineer’s blood fleck both men, staining skin and expensive suits alike. Rage begins to build like a hot well of magma within the RED espionage agent’s chest, and for once in his meticulously-controlled life… he lets it.

Electricity sparks, casting strange silhouettes on the masked faces as the men stared one another down; the teleporter, dispenser and sentry were reverting to their inert, transportable states about them, but there was nothing to be done to save them. Pyro could have done something… but Spy felt helpless to forestall the inevitable. Engineer would likely be disappointed… yes, but perhaps, he would not be so aggrieved if his death was avenged.

“You will pay for that.” RED Spy retorts, tone far calmer than the heat building in his chest would imply. “And I will not let you die quickly,  _ mon ami _ …” 

Before the body between them is completely caught by the respawn system cycle, BLU Spy lunges forwards and aims a wild slash at his opponent’s masked face. Leaving the RED to throw himself backward, or risk losing an eye; giving the BLU the momentary advantage of time, in which to turn tail and disappear. 

“Oh no you don’t!” RED Spy snarl, and lunches himself forwards like a wildcat, fingers clawed as he bears down on the invisible enemy; forcing the cloaked man to the wooden floor with an agonising thud that seemed to punch the air from both their lungs. He gasped, and managed to get enough air in to move; curling his arms around the hidden form and caging it, grappling wildly to find the face. There’s a curse, thrashing, and suddenly he’s slammed to the floorboards by his shoulders and his opposition reappears a second before the blow lands; with a wet, meaty thock sound that forces Spy’s head to the side.

There’s a split-second where his vision is beset with flashing lights, but his finely honed survival instincts kick in the minute the hands gripping his throat finally register through the haze of potential concussion. Spitting blood, RED Spy slams a knee into the BLU’s unguarded crotch; a low blow, perhaps, but when death was the price of failure you used every advantage available. Using the momentary shock, he breaks the hold on his throat and shoves the other away; finding the BLU had snagged hold of his tie the exact second they both began to tumble down the stairwell. 

He bites his tongue a second time, body bouncing and jarring against each unforgiving wooden step; bones creaking, muscles bruising and ribs fracturing as the Spies collided with one another, the woodwork, and the haphazard blows each threw. Finally coming to rest in a multi-limbed sprawl upon the ground floor, both espionage agents winded from the impact; though apparently the BLU had fared better, being the one who had used the RED as a landing pad. 

With a grotesque sneer that seemed all the more terrible for the fact they were face to face, close enough to kiss, the BLU slid his weapon between the RED’s ribcage; clearly enjoying the way his opponent writhed in a futile attempt to free himself. Blood seeped between them as the blade receded; BLU Spy opened his mouth to make some clever little quip about the RED’s demise… and paused.

His words choked off in shock, mouth agape, as blood began to run down his masked face, eyes crossing almost comically before toppling over. Engineer’s wrench buried about three inches deep in his collapsed skull, and the man himself grinning in grim satisfaction revealed to be standing behind.

“That’ll teach you to mess about with my mechanics, you faceless cow-fancier.” Engineer growls in a tone that sends an odd little shudder down to the battered Spy’s crotch, despite his intense willing otherwise. Now was not an opportune time, after all; he could barely breathe. It was then reality seemed to realign, and the Texan takes in the mess of his team’s espionage agent, letting out a low whistle that seemed to be his go-to response whenever the man couldn’t think how to put his thoughts into words. “Son, you look like hammered crap…”

“ _ Th-...anks… h-hadn’t… noticed. _ ” Spy gasped back, the venom in his voice sounding more hollow and sad, than the scathing retort he’d been aiming for.

With a long sigh, Engineer kneels down and collects the mess of a mercenary under the shoulders; hauling him up as best the situation allowed. Spy swears every cursed centimeter of the way, and ends up leaning ashenly against the Engineer’s shoulder, panting, for a long moment. Somewhere outside the Administrator advises that the payload was almost at the final checkpoint…

“Goddamnit Spook, I need you t’work with me here. The BLUs are way ahead of us right now, so we best find a way to stay out of sight until we can get to a health pack… or it’s curtains for both of us.” The Texan’s tone rolls over the barely-conscious Spy like thunder, and the espionage agent held onto the sound as a tenuous tether to the waking world. Every aching inch of his body wanted to just lay down and fall through respawn… but Engineer clearly had some alternate plan in mind.

Peering out the doorway as the BLU Spy’s form faded into respawn, Engineer satisfied himself that the coast was clear, and mostly-drags the dead-weight of Spy out the door and down the stairs. With the track raised, none of the BLUs would bother to look down as they crossed… or at least, that’s the plan. 

Somewhere ahead, rockets thoom-thoom-thoom into the ground, forcing mercenaries of all colours to duck, weave and dodge in order to avoid becoming giblets. Which thankfully caught the attention of the BLU Heavy running across the raised trackway above, so he never bothered to investigate the flash of red fabric in the corner of his eye; too focused on returning to protect his doctor from RED.

“C’mon Spook, just a bit further and-... aw dagnabit, some fool’s gone and taken the health pack. Alright, we’ll just have to try and get under some cover and I’ll see what can be done. How’s that sound?” There’s a false cheer to the Engineer’s tone, somewhat grating given the grave reality of their circumstances, but well-meant at least. 

Spy could feel his legs giving out as it became harder to breathe, blood soaked his designer suit, much to his chagrin. It was clear to both of them this particular plan wasn't going to pan out in their favour… however, Engineer was a stubborn man when it came to impossible ideas; so there was little chance of dissuading him from this course of action. 

Spy’s not entirely sure when, or even how, they make it to the stairs on the left of the main point, but he’s grateful all the same. Engineer is practically carrying him at this point, but neither see fit to mention it; sometimes you had to haul a teammate back to safety, nothing odd about that. And sometimes, you gotta keep a firm grip on the pert anchor of your team member’s ass, so they don’t slip off your shoulders… it happened. 

They stagger the last few steps up the stairs and into the room overlooking their spawn. The others were fighting viciously, but it was clear that the battle was almost lost; the payload hovered precariously over that last inch of control point, waiting for confirmation. Allowing the barely-breathing espionage agent to slump haphazardly against a wall as his clever mechanical mind took in the room’s dimensions.

Thinking fast, Engineer fished in a toolbelt pocket and pulled out a small flatpack, dropping it strategically across from the door; the slowly-assembling mini-sentry covering the stairwell and windows simultaneously. He strides across the room and swipes at the hovering pack of metal, and pulls out something a tad larger; dropping it carefully beside the ailing Spy, and muttering encouragement the whole time it began to unfold.

The dispenser finally popped open, screen blinking to life with a rattling of ammunition and the welcome hum of healing being dispensed. Spy’s breath rattled disturbingly, and even the gentle sensation of the dispensers healing ray failed to soothe swiftly enough to alleviate the discomfort; as if sensing the thought, Engineer squeezed in behind the man, supporting the espionage agent in a sitting position. 

Later, Spy would say he was not entirely in his right mind when he allowed his head to lean back against Engineer’s strong shoulder; perhaps he’d been light-headed from the sudden rush of endorphins brought on by the rapid healing? Or maybe the dizzying need to be held had something to do with the increased flow of air getting to his concussed mind?

Whatever the reason, it had genuinely felt… nice. Safe, even.   
How strange to use such language in his line of work…

“Shhh… you just rest for a minute there, Spook… I gotcha.” Engineer soothed, his deep earthy tone rumbling through their conjoined bodies. Spy can’t work out what, if anything, he must have said aloud just now… but it mattered little… for the moment, he felt safe enough to let his tenuous hold on consciousness slip. 

  
  


As the body in his arms falls limp, Engineer exhales in relief, his heart pounding under the calm facade. Outside this small haven, the BLUs are cheering wildly as they hunt down the other mercenary members of RED team; and the sounds of their screams cut short really burns at the Texan’s heart. Those goddamn BLUs would pay, next match. 

Spy shudders slightly as the dispenser seals the rather gruesome stab wound, and begins to stir; but Engineer hushes him down again. No sense in waking to the nightmare outside, after all; he’d wait until the opposition tuckered themselves out, and trailed back to their base. 

His heart leaps as the minisentry lets out a warning beep and fires a single shot at someone, who yelps and ducks away. No point in taking a bullet to the behind just to shoot some downed enemies, after all. Ain’t no fun. Well, unless you had a bad match that is.

Readjusting the Spy against him, Engineer sighs. Of everyone on the team, why in blue blazes did they make sure to assign him Spook? Sure, Pyro needed a good dose of medicine and a long nap to kick that cold, but… Spook? The man hated Dell with a passion, and the Texan’s pretty damn sure he knows why… though he’s yet to work out when the other worked it out.

No matter. Tomorrow someone else would be on Engie guard duty, and this would all be… a rather vivid memory. Though it hadn’t been all bad on his end, the man can only imagine how much Spy was hating this whole situation; saved by the man who was always dropping his unrequited feelings for him about the place. God, he always did like the pretty, aloof bastards. Had a real thing for the hard-to-love type…

The world outside falls silent, and Engie lets out the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Thank the gods, he wasn’t sure what he’d do if the whole of BLU had burst in during the humiliation round…

Spy sighs, shifting slightly at the movement, and a hand clutches at the Engineer’s overalls.    
The breath catches in Engie’s throat, heart beating wildly with a feeling he dared not even address. “You’re goddamn cute when you wanna be, huh, Spook?” he rasped, and cleared his throat. “I mean, you just hold on. We’ll get you some proper help in a minute, you hear?”

There isn’t an answer. He never expected one… but perhaps a selfish part of the man rather hoped that Medic might take his time to come find them, post-battle.    
They’d bide fine until then… 


	2. Paranatural Prototypes

This was getting downright ridiculous… and that was before some goddamn ghost-wizard in a bathrobe came thundering out of the sky, dropping bombs like confetti at a ticker-tape parade. Halloween always tended to be a bit on the painful side of things, especially when everyone suddenly regained the ability to use magic… and occasionally they materialised in hell in dodgem cars. Now Demo’s giant magic gotdarn eyeball was firing lasers, or tiny eyes, or something equally insane, at the pinned REDs and BLUs.

Still, the whole mess of a minor annual apocalypse did have one small upside, and he was looking right at it. Hunkered down beside the Engineer, and trying his best to pretend they were both on separate planets, was the Spy;  _ definitely a teammate, he’d spychecked thoroughly after last time _ . 

The pair were pinned down at a midpoint on Brimstone, on the second floor of an enclosed building with the sentry poking out the only window. A small healthpack candy bar and box of ammunition were rotating away; and Engineer quickly snatched up the latter, and rifling through his toolbox for the full-sized dispenser kit. 

With Merasmus lurking, Monoculous firing away at the mercenaries still brave or downright stupid enough to be hovering desperately around the payload, and the Headless Horseless Horseman running amok somewhere on the map… now was certainly a time when you wanted a dispenser handy. Might be able to get a teleporter exit up and running soon enough… if the opposition hadn’t destroyed the entrance, back at spawn that is. No one’d seen the BLU Spy for some time, after all and he could be a right devious bastard when he wanted to be.

Ah hell, he can’t distract himself any longer with such mundane thoughts.    
“You going to tell me what this whole game of cat and mouse we’ve been playing is about, Spook, or are you waiting for me to guess?” he ventures, in a quiet moment, keeping an eye on his sentry for any hint of skeletons or something equally ornery occurring. Never knew what to expect when the magic started flowing; just that you had best be ready for anything.

Spy actually starts, as if caught off guard by the query; though the confusion is swiftly replaced by the ever-present mask of passive nonchalance that Engie had become far too damn familiar with over the last month or so. “Forgive me, _ Labourer _ … but I do not understand what it is you are going on about.” 

Ah, yes, that little nickname had cropped up again with an annoyingly pointed lilt to it; like the word was a degradation of the Engineer’s very being, head to toe.  _ Well, Spook always was an arrogant sonofabitch right enough _ ; and it was times like these that Engie just didn’t know why he bothered to feel anything at all for the masked man. The downside being, of course that he did; maybe not head over heels, but there was potential there.

Problem was, ever since that battle at Thundermountain, Spy had gone out of his way to completely avoid the Texan; refusing to outright acknowledge him even when the man was straight up standing right in front of him. At first, Engie had assumed it was some bullshit macho thing; like the fella’s pride had gotten a bit bruised having to be rescued and all… but that just didn’t add up. The man was naturally a walking advertisement for the refined gentleman, the well-bred suitor who took care to moisturise at night and clean the blood from under his fingernails. After that particular concept had been scribbled off the mental list of potential solutions… Engie went right back to the metaphorical drawing board; analysing the whole event over and over, trying to work out what had soured between them in that short space of time.

The sky had been darkening by the time the rest of RED had come searching for the errant pair of mercenary members, just long enough for a lot of the more obvious damage to seal up; but still Medic insisted on having Heavy drag them both to the infirmary. And let Engie tell ya, those flimsy red paper gowns Medic had them wear covered absolutely none of his vitals; felt more exposed than being bare as the day he was born. 

Of course, he’d been assessed as well enough quickly; anything Engie injured tended to heal quick after the dispenser erected. Kind of like Medic and his medigun, he guessed. Which at the least had meant the builder could finally retreat to the safety of a decent pair of pants as Spy was fussed over. Barely complaining as he’d been healed to the nth degree; and had medigun fluid practically coming out the wazoo and all by the time he finally woke up proper.

Naturally, Engie had stayed to… you know, keep an eye on things. Make sure all those heroics he’d pulled weren’t for nothing, and so on. Seemed that the masked man was pulling together just fine after an hour or so; not to even mention the fine figure he cut in the barely-concealing gown… hoo boy. It wasn’t until Medic tried to slide a thermometer into Dell’s mouth when he’d realised he’d been staring; flushed and more than a little hot to the touch. There’d been a mess of excuses, and finally stumbled out of the infirmary in the direction of his room to do a little ‘erecting’ of his own.

Come to think of it, that’s about when the shit hit the fan… so to speak.    
Had Spy noticed? Was that what this was about? Nah, he didn’t think the guy was the type for that sort of bigoted thinking; after all… Spook had tricked Medic and Heavy into finally getting together, saving the rest of the team from the sickeningly affectionate sidelong glances the two men would throw at one another through the long days and nights of battle.

But something must have happened in that moment. 

Oh, there hadn’t been any formal words exchanged, after all; it was more a… general sense of coldness that radiated between them both whenever the pair were close. There was a gaping chasm between the two right now, and Spy seemed to enjoy breaking down any endeavours the builder made to bridge the gap. 

Just the week before things had gotten a tad worse after a stray crocket destroyed the platform outside spawn right as the pair had been running out, frantic to get back to their positions; Engie had slammed into the decking hard, splinters digging cruelly into his fingers as he held firm. With a cry, Spy had slipped past, tumbling into the empty air below; his deadly fall only forestalled by the desperate grip of the gunslinger. Blue eyes had gone from shocked to something almost… furious, before the other man allowed his hand to slide free from the designer glove. Gaze locked on the Texan’s as he fell to his death without a sound.

Now that… that hadn’t sat right with Dell, and he was determined to get to the bottom of this goddamn nonsense as soon as possible. If for no other reason than his sanity was starting to fray, as he worried over the memory of that match on Thundermountain endlessly, trying to work out the moment things had gone south. The rest of the team was getting annoyed as well; what with the pair no longer interacting in even the most perfunctory sense of the word on the battlefield, which was starting to cost them.

The only upside in that area was that Pyro had shaken off whatever little bacterial nasty had been giving them a hard time, and was right back to turning that pesky BLU Spy into ‘rainbows’ again. Less backstabs made for a happy builder, he always liked to joke with the firebug. 

Still, the matter rankled him; like an itch you just can’t reach to scratch.   
Now you see, Dell Conagher was a fair man, an honest man even; but he wasn’t a Good one, by the standards of society. Sometimes you had to crack a few heads in order to get things done, even the inequality out with a little mass murder; the little details and all.   
And this skinny, six-foot somebitch had just about exhausted every positive overture Engie had left deep in his soul; so now he was feeling the need to… clear the air. Get constructive, creative even Sure, Dell might’ve devised a few semi-legal means of retribution in his darker moments during all this mess… but overall, he tended to shred the blueprints once he’d calmed down enough to think rationally. Though a few got stored by the wayside for… special occasions.

In the here and now, Engie had his prey cornered and had decided to just go for the throat. Mercy was for people who folded in the face of smug, arrogant, beautiful, infuriating bastards like the Spook… this situation called for tact; and possibly thumb tacks, but he’d hold off on that until later. Give the masked mook a chance to come up with a better excuse than ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’,  _ please _ , this wasn’t  _ grade school _ .

  
  


“Well see Spook… I’m thinkin’ you do have some idea what it is I’m on about, because you’ve gone to an awful lot of effort for someone who just don’t seem to care none. Always finding ways to leave the room before I get there, or be where I ain’t… a man might be inclined to believe you’ve got something against him.” Engie glared daggers from behind his goggles, eyes narrowed into frustrated slits. “Now can we talk about this like adults or are you gonna sit there and pout like a Scout?” 

He can almost hear the way Spy’s teeth ground together from across the bare, wooden room. Still, the masked bastard chose to remain a quiet participant to this conversation, much to the frustration of the other mercenary.

“Silent treatment, hey? Well, can’t say I blame you. See, here’s what I think went down in that shrink-wrapped little head of yours…” Engine growls, leaning forwards to emphasise his point. “You gotcha lacy french panties all up in a twist because someone told you to keep an eye out for me that day, right? I know we don’t get along and all, but at least you were willing to play along for the sake of the team and all; right touched by that, I was. Thing was, I thought you’d run off at least twice, ‘cause I just couldn’t tell where you were properly.”

Spy opens his mouth to retort, and is cut off with a hand in his face.

“Uh-uh, adults are talking now, son. So, I get to thinking that after I bit the dust and you got your backside handed to you by that  _ BLU _ ...” Engie spat the word, like it tasted bitter and poisonous. “...you must’ve felt like your pride got banged up almost as much as you did, and then here I come to help you get back to base like some squashed coboy hero of old. The one teammate you can’t rightly stand to have see you like this, ‘cause we don’t get along; and of course, I’m the one dragging you back to basecamp. Must’ve been pretty hard from your side of the equation, I’m guessin’.”

He pauses, noting the shrewd expression settling on that normally blank counternence, before continuing. “Then of course, there was the whole compromised position we got found in, even though I swore up and down that it was about making sure you could breathe properly. I know someone’s still got a picture or two floating about in the base, might want to get on that, spy-boy. Anyhows, I could see why you would be a tad bit unsettled and upset about the whole thing… but I can’t help thinking, what about the whole thing’s got you so heated that you’re avoiding me like the plague these days?”

  
  


Spy meets his gaze dead-on with an almost predatory expression, something steely and inflexible buried in those blue eyes as the sculpted jaw tightens underneath the mask. “As always, Mr Conagher… you are a very clever man, but I see that sometimes the subtleties escape even one as smart as you.” He sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes, before leaning over to grab a fistful of Engineer’s overalls. “It is precisely because I could not fathom how you would handle it if I was to do  _ this _ …”

He crashes their lips together. Sure, the angle is awkward, and Engie is surprised as hell because he didn’t think it was going this way at all… but there’s something there, and its growing. There’s a tingling sensation in his gut that the Texan hadn’t felt since he’d laid eyes on his first proper girlfriend in high school; like it was a sign this was something special, too. After a second, he raises a hand to cup Spy’s cheek, only for the man to pull away quickly. 

Engie’s not entirely sure how to process switching from mad to confused arousal in the span of a few heartbeats, but he’s damn well trying. “Y-you wanna run that by me again, son?” he stammers, and this time the kiss is less frantic energy and desperation. Slower, kinder, gentler… a well-honed technique no doubt used to seduce dozens of targets over the years; and it was damn well working a treat on him too. Wasn’t ashamed to admit that.

This time when they pull apart, things seem a bit clearer. Engie clears his throat, “Ahem, well, I guess that just proves we’re both a pair of goddamn idiots. Spook, I feel like a schoolboy saying this but, I’ve had feelings for you for a while now and to be honest I thought you’d figured it out already. Thought maybe that was why you’d been avoiding me so often since the whole... Thundermountain thing, actually.”

“And here I was assuming you were the one who could not stand me, a fascinating misconception, non?” Spy responds, trying to calm the inner whirlwind of emotions and restore neutrality to his mental faculties. “You would rescue any of the team as you did myself, I thought the very fact it had been a Spy was galling to you… and in such intimate circumstances, well, I did not wish to test your patience further. Though at a cost to myself, I will freely admit. It was that day that I noted your…  _ finer qualities _ , or I should say they ‘stood out to me’...”

There was a rather lewd grin on his features, and Engie flushed scarlett to his ears. “Now you hold on a minute, I ain’t got no control of it when I’m sleeping and there’s a nice, warm, body snuggled up next to mine. Just nature, is all.”

“Oui, perhaps, but then again…” Those dangerous eyes flicker downwards, and back up to fixate his prey. “Speaking of  _ nature _ …”    
Spy seemed far closer than before, limbs slowly entangling the Engineer’s sturdy form and pressing close enough that heat radiated between their bodies like a furnace. Dell fancied that he could almost feel Spy’s heartbeat thundering away under the expensive fabric against his chest. 

His mind lost in a whirl of little details as the sensation of kidskin gloves curled around his nape, soft lips teased at his throat, and the gentle waft of some imported cologne with a name Engie probably couldn’t even pronounce correctly, all seem to overtake his higher cognition for a moment. Everything is sensation, sound, touch and tenderness. 

He gasps aloud as the spark-bright heat of arousal flares between them, their hips awkwardly aligning to grind their wakening members against one another, movements achingly slow and cruel. A thrill rushes through Engie as Spy gasps sharply in his ear, the hot gust of breath sending goosebumps rushing over the flesh of his throat; their crotches pressing firmly as their thrusts grew in intensity. 

The helmet slips off, rolling away across the floor with a ludicrously loud clatter that make Engie laugh, despite the situation. A forehead presses against his own, and those piercing blue eyes are filled with open affection, amused and captivated by the man filling his vision right now. Dell slides his goggles up, blinking at the light differential, and taking stock of their positioning…

Strong, calloused hands that had clearly spent a lifetime bending metal to their will clamped about Spy’s waist, gripping just tight enough to ask a question, and relaxing as the answer is given in a brief, elegant nod. “Do show me what you have, monsieur Conagher… I await your expertise with unbridled anticipation.” Spy teases quietly, huffing a breath as the deft hands began to divest him of his attire. 

The carefully-tailored suit jacket falls away in a mess of crumpled fabric, the tie swiftly following; Engie can’t help but kiss the man again, fingers caressing the masked features as their lips met. He has to shuck his gloves whilst distracted, unable to work the intricacies of the man’s buttoned-up undershirt otherwise, and returns to the task with a fumbling passion that makes Spy laugh. In turn, the masked mercenary unhooks the clasps of Engie’s overalls, practically divesting him of the majority of his outfit in one fell swoop; with the checkered red shirt swiftly following.

Gloved hands trace the thick-set pectoral muscles on display, as if imprinting the shape and sensation to memory; eyes never leaving the man’s face, as if waiting for a cue to back away… almost as if Spy was expecting to be rejected when things got too real. Engie frowned slightly, frustrated that the other apparently had enough free blood in his lanky body to consider such things… well, it could be rectified in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, right enough. 

Slipping under the waistband, Dell groped the pert globes of Spy’s buttocks, and they both moaned at the way the move made Spy jerk forwards; forcing their unfairly sheathed arousals to grind together in a way that sent a hot bolt of lightning up the builder’s spine. A low curse slips free of his mouth as Spy’s clever hands unbuckle his belt, allowing the impressive shaft to breathe; made his mouth water just looking at the damn thing, as the builder wondered how it’d feel hot and heavy on his tongue as he teased the Spook to orgasm.

His train of thought came to a screeching halt as Spy took him in hand, freeing the aching member from its confinement within the RED-standard boxer shorts. It hung, thick and heavy between them; twitching in interest as gloved hands lightly teased the shaft, the balls, the emerging head. God almighty, Spook could make anyone’s thighs tremble with a technique like that… and there was some part of his brain that desperately wanted to give in, to let the espionage agent fondle away until Dell’s brain melted…

But, he thought as he gently knocked the masked mercenary’s hands away, he had a plan; and coming his gotdamn brains out from an, admittedly excellent handjob, was not part of them in any shape, form or size. Engie seizes Spy’s cock with his human hand, fingers trailing the unfamiliar length and pumping languidly as he memorised the topography of his… well, he hoped they were lovers. If not then tomorrow was going to be awkward as all hell on base…

A kiss blindsides him, and he blinks stupidly at the other, as if his mind had been filled with pink fog in the interim. Raising an eyebrow as he leans back to rest his weight on both hands, displaying his bare torso and engorged cock to full advantage.   
Spy shrugs. “You were thinking too much,  _ mon amour _ …” he explains, and reminds the man of his duty by glancing pointedly at Engie’s hands, and then down to the thick curved member dribbling arousal at the very presence of the masked man. 

Something in Engie’s gut clenched in a strong sense of pleasure-pain as he caught the way Spy hungrily licked his lips at the sight of the builder’s ‘wrench’. Well… that would certainly be  _ one  _ way to spycheck.

“Enough of that, you horny degenerate.” He grins, rising to his feet and shucking off boots, socks and pants in a rather fascinatingly comedic series of movements. By the time he glances back, Spy has already stripped himself bare of all but the mask, and even the previously-tossed coat is folded neatly in a corner. Prissy little thing, ain’t he? Ah, but you can’t help but love a man who liked being neat.

And suddenly it’s just the two of them, naked but for Spy’s mask and Engie’s goggles, close enough to feel one another breathe. It’s not clear who moved first, but they met in the middle, hands grappling to touch as much flesh as possible as their mouth crashed together in a fiery passion born of desperation to be closer, closer still to the other. Somewhere between their sweat-slick forms, their neglected cocks bobbed and begged for attention; occasionally trapped betwixt the love-drunk men, caught up in their desperate dance of longing and lust. 

Engie startles when his back slams into the dispenser, and an easy grin crosses his features at the idea that slides in. “Feel up to bending me over this here device and showin’ me some real southern hospitality?” he teases, half-serious as he tugs playfully at the tip of Spy’s cock. 

“As tempting as such an offer is… and we will most certainly revisit it in time,” a breathless Spy answers, clearly stalling for time to get his breath back; flushed under the mask as he moves away to rest against the vast bulk of the level two sentry. “I would prefer… to offer an alternative, if it meets your approval, mon amour?”

Well, given that if his cock got any harder it might just stand up and salute, Dell would say he had a firm idea of what Spy was angling for… and wholeheartedly agreed. He mumbled something about needing a minute, before shifting the sentry back into the room a ways; gotta keep your secret little rendezvous decent, after all. 

Snatching up his overalls and Spook’s fancy coat, Engie folded the items into a padded buffer between Spy and the unforgiving metal of the sentry, grinning in dark delight as the man turned. He spanks a pert cheek, “Get on with it, ya hussy, and spread em or we’ll be here all night.” Dell mock-admonishes, gasping in a sense of surprised delight when Spy actually deigns to bend over and, indeed, spread his thighs. 

Engie pumps a hand languidly up his own shaft, smearing precum from base to tip in long, slow twists before moving forwards. He groans at the warm caress of muscular cheeks as his cock grinds between them, feeling the hole beneath flutter in response to the stimuli; but they weren’t even close to ready for that yet. Dell lets his body press down on that of his lover as he leant forwards, hips languidly thrusting, to kiss at bare shoulders, throat and spine. Murmured praise occasionally slips between each press of lips, and he likes the way the pale flesh twitches and shudders under his touch. 

The Gunslinger surprises them both with the loud slap it makes, carefully-sculpted metal against bare flesh; the masked mercenary moans, and wriggles his hips, inviting a further strike. Engie is only too happy to comply.  _ What his man wants _ … after all. 

As the ringing begins to die away, Spy grabs the human hand on his shoulder, and turns to press a kiss to it. Eyes sparkling as he added, “ _ Mon amour _ , as much as I love the attention you are lavishing… would you kindly see fit to move to the next stage?” 

Just at the moment when Dell was starting to assume he’d have to offer the elegant frenchman a choice of spit or mechanical-grade lubricant, surefire moodkillers in the worst sense of the word… Spy is already fishing something out of his suit jacket’s hidden pocket lining. 

“I may not be a boyscout, Dell, but I always prefer to be prepared… to be prepared.” he quips, to the stunned man. As the moment passes, Engie can’t help but laugh at the ingenuity of his lover… 

Dribbling lubricant on his human hand, Dell traces the hole with his thumb; huffing a little in amusement at the way it seemed to be begging, with every rhythmic clench. To offset the sensation, Engie nips at the pale cheek before him, enjoying the way it seemed to surprise Spy; almost as much as the caress of the Gunslinger on his cock did. Well-lubricated, of course. 

He dipped a finger into that tight, hot ring, and began a shallow thrusting that deepened with every frustrated whine Spy emitted. There was a snarl as a second was shoved in a mite fast, at the urging of the other man, though this was smoothed over as Dell modified the pumping of the gunslinger to include a rather exceptional twisting maneuver that left Spy breathless. 

“If you keep this up, Dell, I will come long before you managed to get a third finger inside me…” the espionage agent pants, fingers white where they gripped the gun barrels for additional leverage and support as he thrust back against the penetrating digits. “Could you hurry up and-... ah, yes… merci…” he moans, as Dell sped up the attempts to fully prepare the other. “Come along, three is enough… I will not break if you do not slip your whole hand inside, Dell, I promise.”

Slightly conflicted, Engie hesitates; knowing for certain that Spy clearly knew his body better than anyone else… but still feeling that he might cause harm if he didn’t finish what he started, right. Spy must have caught the expression on Dell’s face, because he sighs and waves a dismissive hand over his shoulder. “If you feel it necessary to continue… do go on, I am happy to oblige your overprotective nature under the circumstances.” 

Engie hooks his fingers and rubs at the little spot he’d found earlier, in reward, and is delighted at the strange shudder that seems to emanate from Spy’s very core. “Mighty fine of you to understand, Spook…” he says, a lewd grin on his face as the fourth finger dives in, a rather finicky final countermeasure against accidental injury. “You were right, though, feels ready as you’ll ever be.”

His fingers slip free in a slick mess of clear, viscous liquid that leaves lewd trails across pale skin as the builder pulls back to slick his own shaft. There’s a long pause as the man’s clever mind considers something…

A gentle hand curls under Spy’s chest, levering him upright and turning him to face the shorter Texan. He dips his head easily to meet the oncoming kiss, and allows the other to lay him back down as far as possible before they have to break apart, so he might wriggle back further. Engie steps into the gap of his thighs, watched by the amused expression of his lover; one hand guiding his cock to the espionage agent’s entrance, and the other slicking more lubricant onto the entrance.

Spy exhales a long, low moan as the thick cock presses determinedly inward past the tight ring of muscles there; pausing as Dell took the time to stroke soothing hands down his sides, and pump at the achingly-hard, neglected cock pressed against Spy’s abdomen in a pool of its own slick. The espionage agent wriggles his hips in encouragement, and feels Engie begin to thrust in slow, shallow movements that seemed to press marginally deeper each time. 

By the time Dell was sheathed to the hilt within Spy, the pair were flushed, panting and mildly overwhelmed. Despite clearly having experience in this matter, there was nothing quite like the first physical intimacy of a new love… and as the idiotically sappy mass-murderers had been pining for some time, this was an especially auspicious time. Not to mention the pair were so pent up it was a minor miracle no one had come yet…

“Doin’ good there, darlin’?” Dell drawls, with some effort, the sensation of being so utterly engulfed by tight heat was taking a lot of his concentration at the moment. Spy’s thighs curled around his waist and the ankles locked behind his back in an exceptionally unsubtle invitation to continue what he had begun. Engie leans forwards to press a kiss to the man’s chest, his neck… and finally those unfairly soft, talented lips. 

Fingers twine through his own as Engie rolled his hips, drawing out and thrusting back in deep; forcing a groan from both men at the sensation. His thick cock spears into the espionage agent with an increasing intensity, always grinding against the little nub of pleasure within, and never failing to make the Spy shudder. Dell was lost in the soft overwhelmed sounds his lover made, the tight grip around his shaft as it entered the man, and the flush that seemed to creep across the espionage agent’s masked face when Dell managed to heighten the pleasure with a nip, kiss or well-angled thrust. Spy was, of course, equally enamoured with Engie; eyes never leaving his face, and hands clasped tightly together as the pleasure built between them.

Therefore what happened next came as quite the surprise to both of them.

  
  


“FOOLISH MORTALS, I SHALL BRING DEATH AND DESTRUCTIO-... oh, oh I see you’re busy! Merasmus will just-... see himself out. Okay, alright then. Didn’t need to see that…” The looming wizard vanished almost as suddenly as he had appeared, leaving both mercenaries in a stunned silence that lasted all of a moment, maybe a fraction of a second more; before they burst into uproarious laughter. Not many people could say an all-powerful ten foot tall glowing wizard had interrupted their love-making before… well, except perhaps Soldier. 

“Well that’s something to write home about, I’ll say…” Engie mumbles, shaking his head so as to clear it. Gasping slightly as Spy’s laughter made the man clench around his cock in an uncoordinated, but nonetheless pleasurable, manner. “You alright to keep going? I understand if that was a moodkiller.”

The thighs about his waist flexed in silent answer. Well, alright then.

His thrusts resumed slowly, and Engie found his arousal spiking rapidly once more; the thick, throbbing length sandwiched between their writhing bodies announcing Spy was no less turned on, despite the interruption. The only sound in the room seemed to be the frantic panting in his ear, small half-sentences asking for  _ more… harder… deeper… _ and the lewd sound of their sweaty bodies colliding with each thrust. 

Spy breathed a warning, and Dell redoubled his efforts, pressing them tightly together as he slammed home; grinding the desperate, throbbing shaft between their slick bodies as the espionage agent’s balls grew tight. With a few frantic grinding counter-thrusts, Spy climaxed; spine arching as his cock pulsed come across their flesh, muscles tensing and shuddering in ecstacy as a string of barely-intelligible words fell from those sinfully-soft lips. 

Engie kissed him, swallowing the espionage agent’s moans as his slowing thrusts sought to draw out the last drop of pleasure from the man’s orgasm; and drop him gently into the golden afterglow of a job well done. They broke apart as Spy pants, brushes a hand affectionately over Engie’s cheek, and draws him close for another kiss.

After a long moment, Spy’s hips press back against the impaling cock in a pointed display of permission. With deliberate care, Dell thrusts slowly and carefully, own need throbbing in desperation as little aftershocks clenched at his impaling cock. Hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him close, allowing the masked man to whisper in his ear; the words a mixture of praise and daring, urging him to fuck Spy harder, deeper, claim him so deeply no one else would dare to do so.

He felt the arousal surging through his bones, rising within his abdomen, and desperately seeking release as Spy stoked the fires of his lust. His strong arms, used to hefting things far heavier than Spy, lift the man bodily so that Dell is fucking up into that wonderful tight heat; balls slapping lewdly in the sudden silence, as his climax encroached like a runaway train. 

“Come for me  _ mon amour _ …” Spy challenges in a low, breathy tone… and the last strand of control the Engineer could muster snapped. With one, two, three final harsh thrusts deep into that welcoming, clenching heat, Dell comes; his passion-fuelled confession of love is swallowed as their lips meet, an ouroboros of pleasure, as his lover rides him through the peak of his orgasm.

He stumbles slightly, as they break apart, both gasping for air on this humid halloween night; cock slipping free from his lover in a messy rush of hot, viscous white come that dribbles down pale bare thighs. Dell carefully sets Spy back on the sentry, to give them both something solid to lean on in these trying times.

“An excellent performance,  _ mon amour _ …” Spy says, breaking the sudden tension. “I could not have asked for better… and I am nonetheless well-satisfied. It seems we are indeed a well-made match, for all of the misunderstandings that led us to this moment.”

Dell can’t think of anything poetic to respond, and settles for pressing close, the pair resting their tired but sated bodies against one another. Skin thrumming with recent pleasure, and tingling at being so close to the man they loved, the mercenaries were content to ignore the world for the moment.

Soon they would need to tidy up, find their clothing and see what was happening on the field… but for now, it was just the two of them, entwined and breathing in unison as time flowed around them. 

“I think I can rightly say I love you, Spook…” Engie mutters, not daring to look up at the other until the words caged in his chest were finally free.

The moment elongates, and his muscles tense as the silence persists… before a gentle kiss is planted on his forehead. “And I, you, mon amour.” Spy affirms, fingertips whispering across still-sensitive flesh at his throat. There’s a pause, as Spy pulls out the disguise case from an inner pocket of the suit jacket and studies Engie quizzically. “Tell me, mon amour, have you ever been told to go fuck yourself?”

Birds and bats startled from their hiding places all over the map at the loud hooting laugh Dell let out as his naked duplicate appeared before him a split-second later.

Damned if he knew why he loved this sophisticated dork of a man…


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to a Kooky Story

Thunder mountain once more echoed with the sounds of gunfire and the screams of the charbroiled. Pyro had been distracted early on by a particularly persistent BLU Scout, whom the firebug had an interest in turning to rainbows, and was now gods know where on the map.

The sentry beeped, clicked and whirred as it kept a wary mechanical eye on the mercenaries below, firing off a shot now and then when one of the BLUs got too cocky. All in all, another slow match… 

Spy was idling on top of the dispenser in plain sight, as if nothing in the world could possibly interrupt his idyllic moment. Engineer grinned as he stomped back up the stairs, eyebrows rising as he took in the masked mercenary on the equipment.

“Alrighty son, off ya get. That’s delicate equipment you’ve parked your keister on, there.” Engineer grumbled, expression unchanging as he approached. 

The man flinched as Spy leaned forwards in a sudden display of lithe grace. “You know my price, labourer… a kiss will get you everything you wish!” he teases, and grins predatorially as it has the desired effect. He slips off the dispenser and takes a step forwards, for every step back the Engineer took. “What is the matter, mon amour… playing hard to get?” 

Behind the Engineer, the real Engie decloaks with a malicious grin spanning from ear to ear and caves the imposter’s skull in with his ever-trusty Mann Co. wrench. BLU Spy’s disguise dissipates before he hits the ground, a sad, confused expression all over his dead face.

“I do so love watching you beat the BLUs to death, mon amour…” Spy smiles, a hint of excitement in his tone that catches his lover’s attention immediately. 

“Could say the same thing right back at you, darlin’...” Engie responds, and kisses the espionage agent. Then once more, just for the hell of it.

Things were turning out alright, maybe Thunder mountain wasn’t such an awful place to get posted after all...


End file.
